Frozen – Adam Green – 2010

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I like Adam Green’s filmography. The order I have seen his films has been Hatchet, Spiral, Hatchet 2 and more recently, Frozen. Now, aside from Hatchet, I find all these films a little problematic, but they are all very nice efforts, and successful at their ambitions. What works best in Frozen is that the scenario and atmosphere are tangible and persistently dangerous. When the film is working you over with danger, it hits hard and lands solidly. On the other hand this film could have been a classic if it had classic characters but instead drops neatly as another good effort.

The characters in this film are Dick, Dick’s bitch girlfriend and Dick’s loser pushover friend. These actors imbue these characters with so little personality that I really didn’t care if these people froze to death or were eaten by wolves and that’s where the film slips for me. The film has a meat grinder mentality, which is to drop these chumps into a bad situation and laugh coldly at their demise, but the starkness of the situation doesn’t really lend itself to any sort of humor or irony.

The first thirty minutes gets us up the mountain and stuck on the ski lift. This series of events is I’d say even more plausible than what happens in Open Water. But seriously, these little con-artist douchebags deserve what they get. Why ski in the fucking dark? What a terrible idea to begin with. Dick convinces his pretty girlfriend to pay the lift operator to let them up the mountain because they can’t afford lift tickets. The girlfriend agrees. Immediately, I was rolling my eyes at these kids.

Anyway, once we get up on the mountain, things get better. The cold sets in and they start making bad decisions and WOLVES. Yes, the WOLVES are pretty cool and the context of the scene, having both legs shattered and no escape as a pack of WOLVES eats you alive is pretty awesome. Especially awesome, cause I hated Dick. So yeah, now, Dick is wolf shit.

Then Iceman, I mean Dick’s friend, could totally put the moves on the gal and be like, “Yo girl, why don’t we snuggle so we don’t freeze to death?”, but oh no, he’s a boring gentleman. Even the few conversations these two people have are so inane, no one would ever think anything other than, “If I am dying and have only a final few thoughts to share with this person, hopefully I will have something more beautiful or profound than these twits.”

Anyway, Iceman snowboards away after a stellar hanging from the cables cutting my hands open scene. Dick’s girlfriend is left there to pick at her frostbite and wonder if the WOLVES ate Iceman. They did.

She gets tired of wondering and decides to jump, but fate decrees she shall fall softly to the snow and not break her legs. She belly slides all the way down the mountain, passing Iceman who is being eaten by the WOLVES. The WOLVES do not eat her, because they want someone to live to tell the tale that this mountain belongs to the WOLVES!

Points for grueling scenes of terror, but if I had liked the people in the story it might have been more than a midnight horror show, it might have been a classic.

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